tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize