I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
