You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize
