Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
