why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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