Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize