By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
