went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
