So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
