I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize