Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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