Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Randomize
