There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
