The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Is it because I queefed?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Please don't give away my fajitas
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