she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
