I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
