i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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