OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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