I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize