Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
