why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
