Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
