Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
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