Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
