I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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