I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
