idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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