I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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