I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
