Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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