I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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