the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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