I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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