I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
