You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
