two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Randomize
