I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
