WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Randomize