I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
