Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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