Dude my mom stole all your condoms
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Randomize
