The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
