the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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