i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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