Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
