Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
