I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
