She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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