I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
