barbara walters just said penis...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
