I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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