I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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