I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
