I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
