i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize