FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
