No awkward lesbian experiences without me
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
