I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
