We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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