i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
