Got a toothbrush?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
