Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
