My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
