yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
