His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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