my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
