Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Randomize
