The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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