Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
