I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
