I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Randomize
