Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
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