i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
