I'm gonna have a badass scar
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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