I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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