There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
