It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
