Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
