At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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