I want to walk on stilts...naked
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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