Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
