If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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