My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Randomize
