I just pynch a tree in the face
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
