My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Randomize
