P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
