the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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