i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Randomize
