hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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