come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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