I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Randomize
