dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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