Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
