Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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