bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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